Monday, April 23, 2007

So, it has been 21 days since we held Nadia and I must say that these past few weeks have been exceptionally difficult on me. (as many of you know, thank you for your love and prayers for me by the way..) I'm sure you could try and imagine or bet yet please do not imagine...the pain of holding, smelling, kissing, and falling in love with your child only to give her back and to entrust her to a complete stranger for her every need. Thank God for my faith in him because we are entrust him to protect her during this time of seperation from our family. If I allow it the emptiness in my arms and my heart can envelope my spirit and begins to interfere with my every breath. Again thankfully God is gracious and has placed blessings in my life to bring me and carry me through this uncertain and transistional period of our lives. I have especially enjoyed a short read but deep and pentrating food for my spirit I wanted to share them with you. By the way we recieved and update today and it again said what we knew it would, "File is waiting at the atty's office for the Visa Pre-approval." This piece took 2 weeks for Gavin's process and we are now at week 10 with no idea or insight to when the wait will end. After we recieve this piece our process begins with the Guatemalan Court system which is another long and unpredictable piece of the process. My mother and I leave in 12 days to hold her and bond with her once agin. Although the idea of giving her back and entrusting her again to someone other than me brings me to nausea and tears. I am learning and working to bring "Perfect Trust" into my life....

Enjoy these quotes they have really spoken to my heart and life, I am thankful for a mentor and aquaintence who wise enough to share these insights with me...

The Secret to Responsible Trust is Acceptance.

Not only did Job worship, He accepted what God had sent into his life. That is wisdom. That is perfect trust.

I don't have to defend or explain the will of God. My job is simply to obey it.

I Gird myself today with the power of God:
God's strength to comfort me,
God's might to uphold me,
God's wisdom to guide me,
God's eye to look before me,
God's ear to hear me,
God's word to speak for me,
God's hand to lead me,
God's way to lie before me,
God's shield to Protect me...

__St Patricks Breastplate

Anxious literally means to be "divided or distracted" That gnawing thought is pulling your mind toward it so that you can't give yourself to the thing you need to do.

Jesus spoke about being anxious and referred to it 6 times in 10 verses on the sermon on the mount: Don't be anxious for tomorrow for tomorrow will care for itself.

When you worry about what you don't have you won't be able to enjoy what you do have....(my personal favorite quote, completely cuts to my heart)

Since He took care of our greatest need at Calvary by giving us Christ, then you can be sure He will take care of everything else He considers important for us.

Faith is like lighting the torch that passes from one person to the next. You can't light the torch of another if yours isn't burning..(so true!)

Tell God All that is in your heart, as one unloads one's heart, its pleasures and its pains, to dear friend. -Francios Fenelone

Trusting God doesn't alter our circumstances. Perfect trust in Him changes Us. (such a simple concept yet so hard to truly accomplish at times)

When we do embrace God's soverignty, we find that confidence increases, insecurities fade, worries decrease, and calmness replaces striving. (I am so ready for confidence, security, peace and calmness in my heart)

Our All-wise, All knowing God reigns in realms beyond our comprehension,
to bring about a plan that is beyond our ability to hinder, alter, or stop.

Excerpts taken from "Perfect Trust" by Charles Swindoll
I wonder and pray when God will reveal his plan for our lives but I am also daily releasing my trust and my faith to him as we continue this wild and unpredictible journey. There is comfort though knowing that I cannot hinder, alter, or stop the plan and that he already knows will unfold in each of our lives. I am learning so much about myself and who I want to become in Christ through this process. I am thankful the many blessings that are intertwined in this process...


Christina said...

Hang in there sweetheart. You are getting much prayer. You are a strong woman - keep letting God guide you.

Keller Fam said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Keller Fam said...

Watching God transform and grow your faith is a beautiful thing. Thanks for sharing your journey. When you emerge from the trials of life it's so easy to forget those hard lessons learned in the midst of despair... thanks for this awesome reminder.

Anonymous said...

We are praying my friend and here in any way we can to support you through this process! Jami